last year when the seizure hit so hard i thought that was it, lights out forever, You pulled me back
i felt You there in the shaking, in the blackout,
that was the moment i stopped pretending i could do this alone
that was the moment the cross went from “church story” to realer than my own heartbeat
epilepsy is far from scary anymore but what if
what if the storms in my brain are just Your brushstrokes
what if the misfiring neurons are part of the painting
You made me in Your image and You’re the wildest Artist
so maybe the glitches are intentional
maybe the static is sacred
boom. mind blown again
You’re trippy as hell, God
You’re in the shower steam, in the 3 a.m. thoughts, in the snow falling outside my window right now
You’re in the coffee that’s supposed to keep me awake but i’m still dozing off holding the mug like an idiot
You’re everywhere and it bends my brain in the best way
i get mad at You and people sometimes ok maybe alot
i scream, i doubt, i cuss, i’m a mess
but You still answer
even when i don’t see it
even when i’m too proud or too broken to say thank You out loud
Jesus, You walked here, bled here, died innocent
that still wrecks me
You could’ve snapped Your fingers and ended it all but You let them nail You
for me
for this epileptic, overthinking, coffee-spilling disaster of a human
i’m sorry for the rage
i’m sorry for the days i forget
i’m sorry my feelings are a hurricane i can’t steer
but You get it
You made the hurricanes too
so yeah
if my brain lights up like a broken strobe light sometimes
maybe that’s just Your signature in the corner of the canvas
maybe that’s You saying “I was here”
thank You for the art
thank You for the scars
thank You for still holding me when the world shorts out
i’m gonna fall asleep now with snow on the window and cold coffee in my hand
and i know You’ll be in the dreams too
your turn to rest, Jesus
i got the night watch
(coffee in one hand, shaky brain in the other)
i’m on it
♥️💀
No comments:
Post a Comment